16 x 20
$325
I'm not doing well this morning. It's 5:30 am, I can't sleep, so I thought if I wrote down what I was feeling, maybe I'll get a clearer view. It usually happens that way.
Often you've seen me talk about the consequences of our choices. I really believe I have accepted mine and have no ill feelings or resentments toward certain individuals and their decisions they made years ago where I was concerned. These actions have turned out to be consequences for me today. I was at fault. I hurt people I loved. I live with that reality every day.
What I am struggling with today are feelings of resentment and anger toward certain individuals that influenced me and so corrupted my mind. I am filled with so much self-loathing for being such a weak person and letting them control me as they did. But mainly, I feel such heartache for my children. They are innocent victims of my choices and the evil influence of others. My heart feel so heavy right now.
I know I am not alone in this pain. So many others, like me, carry around their own heartache after the choices they made years ago, and live in the consequences of being influenced by an individual that so twisted God's Word. So much evil. Such an unnecessary waist of lives.
Through writing this, and sharing with you my pain, a song comes to my mind. I know deep down, in spite of my feelings, this is what really matters. This has been my salvation and I wouldn't change the outcome. Here are a few of the lines that sum it all up to me. "My chains are gone, I've been set free. My God my Savior has ransomed me. And like a flood His mercy reigns, unending love, Amazing Grace."
So thank you for letting me share this and be open. I don't think I will post this one on Facebook. I'll just let you people that continuously check my blog for updates read it. I know that in spite of all the worldly things I may seem to miss out on, I am so truly blessed, because I am free, and my children are free.
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